Love, Hate & Hindustani

You know how you have one or two 'goras' who have been to India tell you; "India changed my life.." (like that Eat, Pray & Love woman la).. I say to these people; "What are you talking about? Have you not been to Bangkok before?! LOL!" I even know a few friends who have gone to India, who told me, they felt a sense of belonging while they were here; like they've finally come home. Yup, you guessed it right, they're Malaysian Indians. I doubt an apek will say these things to me. But I've been here two weeks now and still no sense of belonging at all. Maybe I should go down south where my forefathers are from (even then, MAYBE).

From my observations, I think I figured out why I'll never be more Indian or less for that matter;

1. The concept of a queue eludes the Indians.
You see a store, you want something, you walk up and you get it, if there is someone in front of you, he/she is invisible. If you stand behind that person, you'll never get served cause 87,000 other countrymen are going to cut in front of you. And that was the first thing England thought me, you queue up for EVERYTHING!

2. They never put their feet up.
If there is a pavement or a railing we Malaysian have an automated reaction to put our feet up on it. The Indians don't and I dunno if it is out of respect or they're just not habituated that way. While I was in Delhi Airport, I put my feet up on my luggage. And the stares I got were spine chilling! And I thought, they liked my sparkling Nike shoes... Or they somehow were Bata spies!

3. There is a buzz about the people.
They are the rough & tough kind who constantly is wanting something or rather not wanting to be left out. They demand for everything, they complain about everything, they talk to strangers next to them, they have no sense of personal space. But you'll never catch a single one just standing still doing absolutely nothing. Even the beggars have a song and jiggle about them...

4. They treat their guest very well.
I'm practically the Duke of Batanagar. The hospitality is over whelming in the sense that I can do no wrong and there isn't anything I can't ask for. 'Jump' and 'kitna lambbe' (I think I got that wrong) you'll hear from a distance....

5. There is a strong sense of hierarchy.
On my first day, I had to make some international calls and the only place to do so is the VP's room. I was asked not to sit on the VP's chair because it WAS the VP's chair! Which btw, my office chair is bigger, ppbbbbttt....

6. Shah Rukh Khan!
He endorses everything! From nylon underwear to automobiles. Maybe they should put him on a Durex advert, could help control the population a little! Katrina Kaif is on the cover of The Indian Telegraph EVERYDAY, while Sachin Tendulkar graces the sports section EVERYDAY too. I feel like I have a threesome going on with them after two weeks...

7. To complaint or not to......
Don't be shy of a little ankle sprain either if you want to walk in India, but the weather now is perfect for walks, so I'm not complaining. But beware of the ambushing spitter! No it's not a snake only found in India, it's the pedestrian who constantly needs to spit and they come at you out of nowhere. And the most deadly of this kind is the ones who spit 'pan parag'. Google up this special breed of Indians. You'll need a mouth piece to prevent you from biting down on your own tongue if you are driving in India, not because the potholes but the speed-bumps too, like 15 of them back to back. And the 'rules of engagements' are a little different here. The highbeam and horn is the most used component on the car. I wonder how frequent do they get their horns changed. Another export business idea!!

9. Speaking of business ideas!
The next person to open up a cheap hair removal service for women will be the next Tata Birla of India. And the women would probably worship you!

10. Bow before me...
They are so respectful but I notice only to me. Among themselves, there is not a single 'excuse me', nor a 'thank you' or nor even a 'sorry'. But they say Namaskar to everyone the meet. I guess that sense of hierarchy is in action here again. What I hate the most is the interruptions you get while having a conversation with someone. Then again, here is the buzz we talked about earlier.

11. The cho cho train....
Everything over here is at an 'overnight by train' to reach distance. Crap! This country is fucking huge I tell you! Delhi to Calcutta, 24 hours, Calcutta to Mumbai 24hours, Calcutta to Bangalore 24hours. And I drive from KL to Penang in 2.5hours!!!

12. Cleanliness is next to Godliness!
This I'll say from the bottom of my heart, I will never complain about another dirty toilet in Malaysia again. I have a thing about toilets, they have to be either VERY VERY clean or they have to be at home. India has put me in one of those Fear Factor episodes where you have to do what you're most afraid off, minus the million bucks! But on the bright side, there's no one taking a leak in public or a dump behind the bush like some of you warned me off and it doesn't smell that bad....

For some parts of the time I feel like I'm in Taiping, for other parts India finds a way to bite me in ass and warn me not to forget, this is where it all began.. My below basic Hindi is improving and what's worse, I suddenly like it when I'm served for a change...

Batu Rd. Nostalgia

Back when shopping malls were a thing of the future, we Malaysian had Batu Road. One of my fondest childhood memory is the shopping outings I had with my family. At that time, I was nothing more than 7 and Midvalley was nothing more than a dream of an industrialist sitting in Insaf having his briyani with envy of HanKyu Jaya!





'Back To School' meant it was time to visit mommy's favorite in the whole of Kuala Lumpur; Globe Silk Store. If you're an Indian middle aged man, chances are when you were a kid, your mommy made you wear this white undershirt called a singlet! Why, only God knows. They were called Pagodas and they we sold in Globe Silk Store and I HATED them.

Some things do change; the blind keyboard playing band is no longer stationed in front of the plaza. This was the place where all our school going clothes and casual wear was bought. There was no two ways about it. Mommy would then sneak into a place called Masjid India and the saree shopping galore would start!

There was this other place we HAD to go. This stupid bookstore to buy all our school books! It served very little, nothing more than door stoppers in my opinion. But to the life of me, I could swear it wasn't called Minerva back then. Antoni Book Store sounds so familiar but I am pretty sure that was in Brickfields. Just to step out of topic for awhile, does anyone else think this place should be named Little India instead of Brickfields? Satu Lagi Projek Barisan Nasional laaa that one!

This place was cool! Come on MBS boys, you guys know what I'm talking about? This was the place 9 out 10 of us bought our first badminton rackets. This was the place, we first saw a premier football. This was the place we first saw this silky material used to make a t-shirt and was called a 'jersey'. Not that I'm a sports buff and if anything I'm the furthest from one. But there is something about spanking new sports equipment and apparels that made every boy tingle with joy!


But I wasn't every boy! I only wanted to come here!



The all famous Insaf Restaurant... A few years ago, I would have killed for a briyani here! And to my astonishment, the interior of the place is STILL in the all famous green! Their roti canai garing is a must try! For those of you who love a nice lamb shank drenched in curry, then you need to be here! It's 1.15am and I would do almost anything right now for Insaf to be open!

Vroom Vroom, Children & 80s' Television...

Kids like me didn't even have the time to salivate much less chew our food...!

There's a bunch of men out there today, who didn't watch a lot of Sesame Street or Thundercats growing up, I'm guilty as charged. I've always been a huge fan of the famous American Muscle Cars. They don't take the cherry though, cause that spot is reserved for the Prancing Horses but they do come a close second. For a very long time when I was growing up I used to love this car; the Ford Capri. To those above the age of 30 will remember this show on TV called 'Hunter'. Where Sgt. Rick Hunter (or was it detective) was seen in various of the Amerian Muscle Cars; the Dodge Monaco, the Chevy Impala and a one Ford Capri. I'm pretty sure my fetish for the American Muscle started there. I wanted to be Sgt. Rick Hunter so badly and I wanted my very own Ford Capri. I of course didn't know how to tongue the women like Sgt. Rick Hunter though but I sure did learn in the after years!

The Ford Capri was the only matchbox car I cried for when I first went to Toys "R" Us (that's an experience I've never gotten out of my system). Probably a few years later, when I finally got the 1985 Car Buyers Guide and I understood what all those abbreviations under the car performance tablet meant, I found out that the Ford Capri wasn't the best Ford ever made! There was another Ford that made this car look like a supermarket trolley. I was shocked, I was disappointed, I cried like a baby and like every other little spoiled brat, I forgot all about the Ford Capri in no time and latched on to the new and faster Ford.... The Ford GT!! Even though the Ford GT was built a good two decades before the Ford Capri, I didn't know that at the time nor did I cared much anyways...! You'll understand why in 6 and a half minutes time;



There wasn't a car that sounded like the Ford GT, there wasn't a car that looked like the Ford GT. To be quite honest, when my uncles were talking about their Toyota Corolla, I was bragging about 'my' Ford GT. Mind you, I was only either a 4 or 5 wet-snort brat. But I knew that one day I'd own a Ford GT. Of course all that changed when TV2 aired another series called 'Heartcastle & McCormick'. Now here was a car that made the Ford GT look like it was a tricycle ON TRAINING WHEELS... Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Coyote. A lot of people may not know this but the Coyote was actually not a very impressive car only that it looked like a spaceship. And what kid wouldn't like to own a car that looked like it was a blend of a Touring bred car and Star Trek.

And we all know better than life itself what happened in 1985? The airing of the king of all cars, the only car that made television history and the one car that got kids AND even grown ass men all over the world, no matter what color... talking into their watches; Kitt!

Later in 1985, I watched my first Grand Prix. We'll leave that story for another day, shall we? Too much exhaust fumes in my brains now!

Some Things Don't Change

Breakfast in Petaling Street is best served when you skip assembly period and sneak back in without getting caught. Movies have never been better than the screening at Rex Theater. And wandering in Lot10 after school till about 3pm before catching that Bas Mini back home will always have a special spot in our hearts...

Even though we've become fathers and god fathers receptively, I thoroughly enjoyed my Chili Pan Mee last weekend. We then headed down to Low Yatt and Lot10. God, I haven't been down this lane in a long long time. One thing hasn't changed though; I was still the only Indian patron in Lot10. The other Indians were cashiers and promoters and I'm not saying this with any tinge of pride at all but alas, it is the obvious. Of course me and Papa Ric just laughed and carried on ogling that woman with the huge tits...

What Is Wrong With Us?

You take away someone's parking spot and I tell you, you won't hear the last of it. They'll bitch about it till the day they die. By some mistake if at the end of the month someone's paycheck is less by even 1 Ringgit, they'll ride the finance departments ass till they get it. If someone was rude to them in a restaurant where they were patrons, they will write letters, talk to the press, write bad reviews about the restaurant, even boycott and go picketing against the restaurant.

BUT....

We read about animal cruelty in the papers almost every other week. We hear about animal cruelty from a friend almost everyday. Videos, blogs and other post off animals being subjected to cruelty are up on the internet almost every hour, but only a handful of people are riled up about it. Why? Aren't our furry neighbors important enough to us to even kick up a fuss? Are we that busy fighting restaurant managers and people who rudely bump into us in the elevator that we can't even spend 5 minutes of our time to care about these victims here? What is wrong with us? It is a fundamental question that we need to be asking ourselves... I'm not asking everyone to pick up a weapon and go at it, I'm not even asking everyone to write letters or complaint to the authorities. I'm only asking you to start feeling the rage inside of you that this is wrong. It is because we are so busy trying to win the rat race we've become so tolerant about things around us that we've started to ignore everything that doesn't bother us. Nature will prosper without our presence but we will vanish off the face of this earth without nature. This is the big picture and we're not seeing it. Hey, I'm no saint. I drink bottled water everyday, it is something that I've realized over the last couple of weeks. I am a contributor to the worsened situation too. I do smack the house fly that crosses me wrongly and I eat as much meat as the next guy. I'm not going to go all vegan on the situation, nor start taking extreme measures but I have started feeling that what has been happening around us is wrong. And I'm asking everyone else to start feeling that way too. Or else, come the future there just won't be anything left for us to feel about.

The Heart Of A Fool Is In His Mouth...

...But the mouth of a wise man is in his heart. To watch an idiot bring an adolescent python into a club tells me that fools will find new ways to make a fool out of himself!

This was on Halloween, at the Rainforest Sports Bar @ Pavilion Kuala Lumpur. Now I'm always not a fan of people mistreating animals. I know technically they weren't harming that poor little snake but a smart person would have known that snakes, don't have ears, they pick up on vibrations. The tiny steps of a little mouse, sends a tingle up their vibrations senses and the snake knows that there is a mouse near by. Have you felt the vibrations coming from the 20 very strategically placed speakers in a club before? Now imagine how confused and off his senses would that little snake feel? I felt like smacking that dumb idiot in the face until I found out that the snake didn't belong to this idiot, instead it belonged to the DJ of Rainforest Sports Bar.

Corporations who run a business need to run it with a certain code of ethics, cause let's face it, without ethics; you're just a bunch of crooks. A much more responsible manager would have told that DJ of his, to take the snake home. But of course, in the spirit of fun everything is tolerated. A snake in the club gives it an exotic look. People want to come up to the DJ and say 'wooooo...' and take a picture with the snake. It's a business opportunity! Please, don't do something like this at the expense of another living creature, please run your businesses with a conscience. Imagine if someone dragged you to a place that made you feel uncomfortable just cause it'll make them look cool. I bet you wouldn't like it.

I'm just one person, but I feel a place that takes it's name after a natural place like Rainforest is just being hypocritical when they don't take responsibility for when something like this happens! A snake may it be a pet, does not belong in a club, period! Stop exploiting that poor creature. The DJ needs to be a much more responsible pet owner and Rainforest Sports Bar needs to ensure that these things don't repeat itself.

Lotus Will Never Be Proton

My passion for motorsports is urging me to regurgitate dinner after hearing that Proton is still adamant that Lotus Racing F1 team cannot use the name Lotus because they own it. If you want to really stand up for something, how about stop copying other car manufacturers. Be original you shameless bunch of pricks. My patriotism for this country stops at just learning the words to 'Negaraku'.

When I was in England, the professors in uni had a name for us Malaysians; Cut and Paste Experts. Are we not ashamed of this? I read an article today in the papers about how we Malaysian don't strive to do better anymore but instead we always seem to have the 'tidak apa' attitude. Quantify that with the millions the goverment has invested in Proton and you get the biggest 'Tidak apa-apa' in my opinion. I have no respect for the board of directors in Proton because they have no pride nor passion for cars at all. After 25 years in the industry and they're still copying! But the bigots have the face or thick skin to claim Lotus shouldn't be used in a racing team. It is clear and obvious they don't know the history of Lotus.

A Feel Good Story

Once in awhile you stumble upon a story that just makes you feel; there is hope for this world after all. Three weeks ago one such story happened while at the adoption rally. A family with a special child walked in and showed interest in adopting a dog. When we watched that child form a bond with one of the puppies it carried an echo for humanities future when preserving nature. One of the most profound things I've ever heard on TV is (give or take a few words);

"Of all the species on planet earth, what is our purpose? Perhaps we were put here because we are the one species that can make a difference..."

And perhaps, we can!

Hulk Smash Sao Pole'o

Every time it pours in Sao Paolo, we get a cracker of a race. But who would have thought we see The Hulk kick names like Vettel, Alonso and Webber out of pole position. It's the end of the season and I think now is a good as any time to speak about Formula One.

During yesterday's qualifying session we heard the commentator say that the Ferrari's have had one advantage the whole season long and that's that they conserve their tyres really well during the course of the race. And if you think about it; Ferraris overall were NEVER conservative with tyres. Since the early days till the mid 90s. Which then makes it obvious that today the Ferrari we see is a product of the Michael Schumacher stamp, that's the way he drives, he looks out for his tyres all the time which was plain and simple but the key to his success and Ferrari... hats off to them to have brought this methodology forward till today.

My disappointment yesterday was to see Massa so mundane in qualifying. He was demonic fast a few seasons back. There wasn't anyone who came near to the way he took the last few corners and head tothe finishing lines. But yesterday the old and struggling Schumacher out qualified him. While Alonso was battling it out with the RedBulls, Massa couldn't even be top 5.

I'm so riled up to see if The Hulk can tow the line tomorrow. Although my bet is on Alonso spoiling the Samba party for the Redbulls...

A Story Of Grown Ups

The new talk in town is 'who is getting knocked up' or 'who just popped'. And to imagine just a few years ago it was 'who just got hitched'. It is the traditional thing to do after all; go to school, go to college. get a job, get married, get station-wagon, then have kids. It is expected of you from the community, your social surroundings. You know the saying; Everyone is doing it..

I was recently at a Fullmoon party. Now if don't know what it is, it's a celebration after a child becomes a month old and it is celebrated by the Chinese. Anyway back to my story, so at the party it got me to realize when I realize, here is a bunch of boys I grew up with and I know these fellows, all of them are a bunch of clowns. Never a dull moment when they're around. All of them have grown up. To hear them speak about pregnancy and the house loan and how much pampers cost is truly an eye opener. These boys have become men...

Gone are the days when we were talking about fast cars and chicks. Now here is where the complication begins; am I the type to follow the traditional way? Get married have a few kids? For a very long time I didn't even believe in the institution of marriage. And I still kinda hate children. I think they're annoying and so NOT cute. Time will tell...

Spammers...

Of all the spam mails I've received; this takes the cake!

Dearest.

I got your email adress from the yahoo tourist search while looking for some one whom i will call mine,I will really like to have a good relationship with you, and i have a special reason why i decided to contact you. I decided to contact you because of the urgency of my situation here ,I am Miss Mary Mbogo Edwards 24years old girl from Liberia the only daughter of Late prince ,mbogo edwards the deputy minister of national security under the leadership of president Charles Taylor who is now in exile after many innocent soul were killed ,

My father was killed by government of Charles Taylor ,he accuse my father of coup attempt.I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment I, am receiving from my step mother. She planned to take away all my late father's treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved Father. Meanwhile I wanted to escape to the Europe she hide away my international passport and other valuable travelling documents. Luckily she did not discover where I kept my father’s File which contains important documents.

So I decided to run to the refegee camp where I am presently seeking asylum under the United Nations High Commission for the Refegee here in ougadugou,Republic of Burkina faso. I wish to contact you personally for a long term business relationship and investment assistance in your Country.My father of blessed memory deposited the sum of US$8.500,000.00 in Bank with my name as the next of kin. However, I shall forward you with the necessay documents on confirmation of your acceptance to assist me for the transfer and investment of the fund.

As you will help me in an invsetment, and i will like to complete my studies, as i was in my fist year in the university, when the crisis started. It is my intention to compensate you with 40% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my investment capital. This is the reason why I decided to contact you. Please all communications should be through this email address only for confidential purposes. As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above,

I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely. i am staying at the female hostel.Awaiting your urgent and positive response.Please do keep this only to your self please i beg you not to disclose it till i come over , once the fund has been transfered.

Yours Love,
Mary.

Hook A Brotha Up...

Do guys do the whole fix up thing? I mean does one guy set another of his guy friends up with a girl that he knows? I know women do it all the time. They itch to fix their friends up.

I'd be a little suspicious if one of my bros came up to me and said; "I have the perfect woman for you, you should meet her. Shall I set it up?". In my head, it sounds more like; "You are competition to me if you remain single. Please be unavailable the next time I introduce you to the woman I am dating...".

Then again, I have a cynical mind, so he could be genuine and really does think of my happiness. I know of friends who do suggest in passing. I remember once my best friend telling me how I should have dated this other person instead of the woman I was going out with. But best friends are allowed to do that. How about the bros? Would it be weird? Am I thinking too much about this? Should I just shut up and enjoy what may come out of it? You know what kinda dates I want to go on? The kind where you pretend to be someone else! Or wait, I think the young kids today call it 'One Night Stands'... Too much of Barney Stinson, I guess.. LOL!

Radha Mitchell

I just watched "Surrogates" and something about the actress felt very familiar! You know when you've watched a movie and you start getting a crush on the actress, you tend to remember her face and even become a fan of her movies. I mean admit it, that's how Julia Roberts became a mega star; her face. Well anyways, I finally figured out where I first saw Radha Mitchell before traced the crush back to when it started. "Man On Fire", if you haven't watched it; loser, go watch it!

End Of The Red Dawn

When was the last you saw Man Utd dominate a football match? I can't remember either but I'm pretty sure it was when Ruud Van Nistelroy was still their striker and David Beckham was feeding him the passes. Yes, it has been that long. And yes, they've won championships after that but in my opinion, they barely made it. We've had some brilliant players and we still have a decent squad; so what's missing then? I don't see the devil in their game anymore...

A lot of football pundits are claiming 'The Old Man' has lost his grip on his team. Now, I've watched English football since 1992 and I've seen seasons where Man Utd has done really well and then seasons where I just want to forget. 2010/11 is turning out to be one of those I want to forget (then again, I could be wrong. This is football after all and we never know). JFK once said; "When written in Chinese, the word crisis is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity". I hope Fergie sees the same!

In my opinion, the squad has players I don't think are Man Utd material. Gibson, Anderson just to name a few. Even Nani, he may have some skill but he isn't the Man Utd spirit! Far too many times all I've seen him do is put his hands on his face and fall to ground because the opposition player blew into his direction! We need replacements for the Scholes, Giggs, Keanes, Beckhams that have come and gone. Now that we're losing Rooney too, I suggest Man Utd start searching high and low and FAST!

MURDER...!

There's something I want to get off my chest; Malaysian Animal Cruelty Laws SUCK!

Shoot, kill, plunder and destroy everything in our path just so that we can be the most dominant species. This has been humanity's contribution to mother earth since Adam and Eve. We've been the one common factor in the natural world's deterioration for far too long. When are we going to stop and say; we are the one creature put on this blue planet that can make a difference and start acting upon it?

The recent news of a licensed dog being shot in Tampin, Seremban is appalling! I pity these uncivilized souls because they couldn't even find an ounce of emotion or pity in them to stop themselves from committing this atrocious act! This is not the first time the Tampin Municipal Officials have done something like this? A few years back, they broke into a locked house (LOCKED) and shot (KILLED) 14 pet dogs. Half of which were Shih Tzus! Have you seen a Shih Tzu? They are one of the most cutest and smallest breed of dogs and even that didn't stop them from pulling the trigger!

I myself have two dogs and these two rascals of mine have shown me love that no other human being have. The kind of love we only read about in fiction; unconditional love beyond any claim. And if anyone as so much harm a whisker on them, I swear upon my grave that hell will be unleashed upon this unholy land! So I understand the pain Mr. Singaravelu and his family must be going through;

Dear sir, your fight for retribution for Johnny's death SHOULD NOT go in vain and I hope that the Malaysian Government open their god forsaken eyes and realize that the killing of animals is MURDER ONE too...!

Eerrrmmm....

Remind me again, why is it morally unethical to undress a woman with me eyes?

Of Medals And Boobs...

You know, the whole time the Commonwealth Games was going on, my parents (God bless them) were rooting for INDIA (not that I have a problem with that, I myself was rooting for Canada but I had a valid reason; did you see the boobs on those Canadian women?!) I gotta move to Canada man...

Anyways, it brought a little light into this whole One Malaysia thing. How Malaysian do you feel? I mean take for example my parents; both second generation Malaysians, both honest tax payers and voters, both very dedicated to the community and shit, both read the papers everyday have something to bitch about the government during dinner... Yet here they are not even bothered to check when were the Malaysian teams playing of where they ranked in the medal standings. This one time I came home to catch my mom enthusiastically cheering on the Indian women's hockey team (I only stayed up and watched with her cause did you see the boobs on those Indian women?) and I asked her how did Malaysia fair in hockey? To which her reply was; "Malaysia lost the gold medal they won in cycling, serves them right...". In fact the only one my parents talked about was Nicole David and how she deserved to win.

I'm not saying that my parents are national traitors, neither am I saying that they don't love their country. Every Merdeka, out comes the flag hanging in my front porch and they're always ridding my ass on how I don't do enough to give back to this country (i.e; voting)... So what gives? Why aren't my parents bothered about Malaysia? Is it cause they're not good Malaysian citizens or is it that they feel that Malaysia hasn't given back to them as much and India has? You might ask me what has India given to them, the answer is a heritage and culture that goes beyond time itself. So what is it that Malaysia haven't given back to me? Oh that's simple; we just simply don't have enough heavy chested women in our squad!

P.s; That's not the reason why I don't vote. I still have yet to see a candidate who doesn't seem to have a personal agenda or a cause that's worth my effort...

Dream A Little Dream of....

The thought of suddenly having 42 facial piercings is not a happy dream!

Ever since I started sleeping again (yes, you read correctly, I DO sleep these days) my dreams have become more vivid and some times scary. Two weeks ago, in my dream I pulled a Kurt Cobain! But seeing how this dream was mine, it had to go that the gun wasn't loaded the first time. At the second attempt, the gun jammed! Then I gave up and decided to jump into a pool, only to discover that the pool was filled with jello and naked women!

Okay, if you though that dream was weird, here is one for the books; I'm on a highway, driving and apparently heading for a job interview. When I get to the exit I'm suppose to take; the exit is one of those never ending spiral ramps! I can see the office building I am suppose to get to but the ramp is just never ending. And then at the end of the day, I get a traffic summon for speeding down the ramp. And two days ago, I got up with cold sweats after dreaming I had piercings all over my face! Nose, eye lids, ears, lips, tongue, you name it; it had a ring or stud on it! Now I miss the days I went without sleeping. Television and blogs were more fun than dreams...

Wait till I spy a spider...

I Thought I Wanted A Career...

Turns out, I was only interested in a paycheck. The story of my life!

There has to be something more out there than just the constant climb of the economic ladder. I want to believe that, but sadly I see no other alternative... I mean from the day you're a kid, the one constant factor that motivates you to become someone (whether it's hidden or in your face) is money. True? I mean have you met an 8 year old who took a trash can to school for show and tell; "When I grow up, I want to be the rubbish collector......"

Not that I'm looking down at the guy who empties my trash can. Hey, without him/her we'd stink up the neighborhood. But let's face it, he/she isn't exactly making anyone jealous with his/her career choice. The last time I had this conversation was about 10 years ago with my college career counselor and it ended with him saying; "There is a lot of money in the trash business..!"

Here is to me, learning how to get rid of my own trash....

No Sharp Objects Allowed

You can't live like an idiot forever. You're bound to smell your own fart, eventually!

MEEEEOOOOWWW.....

You know what's the worst thing that can happen to a guy? Getting caught in the middle of two F E M A L E S (Stressing the point about females)!

May it be two sisters, two colleagues, two toilet scrubbers, two bff's, two whatevers! If there are two of the same kind, get to know one and don't even bother to find out the name of the other. That's the best advice I can give any man out there...

Why do women feel that you have to take sides to be ON THEIR side? Just because I sit silently on the red corner, doesn't mean I'm cheering for the blue team, or vice-versa! This sisterhood thing is really a piece of crap I tell you. Once a month, they'll all band together around a fire and chant 'Men are bastards' two minutes later they'll be back stabbing on another over the same fire. And then they'll go around trying to recruit minions, and 90% of the time, it'll be us men. Whom, I have to admit la... We're quite stupid to hear them out in the first place. The next time a woman comes up to me and speaks about another woman, I.D.G.A.R.A.

For the last two years or so, I've befriended a lot of women and I'm sick and tired of being in the crossfire. This is warning to all those out there with make-up on, I'm am armed and trigger happy, if I hear so much as a peep about anyone of you trying to put me in between all your cat squabble. KABOOM...!

kapish? End of discussion, period!!!!!

p.s; My loyalties will always be offered to the one I refer to as, Honey!

"Bye honey..."

How often do you hang out in front of your office in the mornings? Try this, go in early tomorrow and just stand and observe outside of your office building. Going in early to office has it perks, I get to 'conduct' sociology experiments (hehe!).

There is a huge majority of couples who carpool, and gosh, the antics they pull in the cabin while saying goodbye. Some are hilarious, some makes you go 'aaaawwww..' and some tells you to stay away from that person today. The couples who ride a motorcycle are the most affectionate to one another when they drop each other off. Well I didn't expect it but those who came in huge ass luxury cars, hardly say a word much less even give a wave 'tschuss'. I saw a couple play rock, paper, scissors; winner gets a kiss! I saw one couple wrestle each other and another couple synchronizing their pda's. Why, only God knows!

The obvious is that they didn't get enough of each other the night before. I say that's a thumbs up for our community today! Divorce rates are at it's highest but who knows, I see signs it may come down...

Butterscotch Baby

Come this October, my little (okay, not so little) munchkin will turn 5. It has dawned on me that 5, is actually 40 in dog years....

I've noticed as of late that she is already starting to find it difficult to run up and down the stairs. Also after she gets up from her slumber, her hind legs are a little shaky. And it struck a deep and sad cord in me.

For the past 5 years of my adult life, this woman has been a huge part of it. She's seen me get my first job. Buy my first car (which technically was for her). She's seen not one but a few 'ladies' come and go in my life. She's even stood by side in a 'show-down' with 6 teenage rempits. She's been there! And you know what saddens me the most when I think about this situation, even if I would never acknowledge her or thank her for being there; I know she'll still do it, again and again. Dog's have thought me the true meaning of unconditional love.

Baby isn't my first dog, but she's the most significant one ever. I'm quite aware of a dog's lifespan, much more that of a German Shepherd. I know I will out live her but I also know that someday my Butterscotch furred friend and I will run the out fields again, together!

Financial Freedom

The two most important words I've heard in the last 30years! I'll be the first to admit, I'm a late bloomer to understanding the concept. Or should I say instead, the one who held out the longest before being lured into the darkside!

From the 80s' people have been on this rat race while I've been pissing my best years away. No regrets though, I've lived a full life. I've survived thus far and somewhere inside of me there's a voice that is telling me this path is just going to be another one of Rajesvaran Santhana's crazy adventures...

What can I say, trying to achieve this financial freedom is a bitch! Recently I've started up my own business and I've gained a new found respect for everyone who have in the past started up their own businesses. I've never been more excited in my life, yet never shit more bricks in my life as yet too.

Battling the unknown with the least amount of experience. No matter how thorough you are in coming up with business plans and marketing strategies, there is just no preparing you for this!

Wish me luck....

It Will Never Happen

Ever since I made it public that Nigella Lawson is on my list. I've had a band of people telling me how it will never happen... People, people, people; the idea is not for it TO happen but IF it were to happen. The most common reason I've been given is that she's old enough to be my mother. Oh come on... Age is just a number. And if anyone looked so good at her age, I think it's a compliment younger men are lusting over her!

The flirtation idea of hooking up with a celebrity IS fictional; I mean, we all know the odds are closer to never. But from now and then everyone melts into a little infatuation with people we see on television. There was a whole show about this on the Discovery Channel. How the human mind identifies with famous faces and how we get attracted to that symmetry. Yes, infatuation has it math too.

Put the math aside, have you guys watched her shows? That woman only cooks sexy food! I don't know if it's the setting or the way the production crew zooms into her and her kitchen. Let's just say it's more sex than food. I'm not ashamed to say, watching her cook up something and take a bite into it, gives me a hard on... Another thing I notice about her show; the focus is on her. So that means the producers know, SHE is the one raking in the viewers and not her dishes! Have you seen how they focus in on her mouth as she take a spoon full of creamy spaghetti?

Grow Up and Smell The Coffee...

And no, I'm not hosting another talk show! Karan is a fag!

It has been brought to my attention that I've not grown up yet....

Now somehow I know I shouldn't dismiss this by saying; boys will be boys. The measure of a man is what? Boy that is a very subjective question. Many could say the same about success. So what is it about me that makes me still a kid? I runaway from my responsibilities? I don't seem to have the 'Dark Knight, weight on my shoulders' grim face? Or is it that I seem to want to associate everything I do with fun?

I know, an alarm went off somewhere for the latter... Now what's wrong with trying to make everything a little more fun? Wouldn't it be a whole lot easier doing a chore if it was fun to do it? We wouldn't call a chore to start with then...!

"A rolling stone gathers no moss..."

Now a lot times, this saying goes synonymous with people who seem to evade his or her responsibilities. A nomad who can't seem to commit to something or someone. But here is how I see it. A savior who knows, when his job here is done and moves on to his next challenge. Moss is symbolic to idling in my opinion. Hence why the Stones must Roll and Rock never dies!

Who's going for the Slash concert?

2010... OMG, I'm 10 years older from Y2k!

Becoming 30 sucks...

It's like suddenly all the hair on your head just declared war with the rest of your body. All troops from the head have been deployed south! I have hair growing on my back, I can pass off as a Sasquatch! I even have hair growing on my ears! Now that's one thing God (the all mighty creator) clearly fucked up on. Seriously, hair on men's ears proves one thing; God had too much time on his/her hands! If that's not enough I just developed a new condition called Alopecia Barbae. It's when spots of my facial hair decide that they too want to join the head hair on they crusade down south! So now, my head is thinning, my forehead is getting bigger and I have bald spots on my beard! Just shoot me....

My list of five...

Every man has a list... And here is mine;

1. Nigella Lawson
2. Carrie Ann Moss
3. Elizabeth Shue
4. Julia Roberts
5. Anushka Shetty

Thus far...

Can you believe it, it's already February. It was like 2009 just a few months ago, then it was 2010 and now it's a month since 2010...! Every year, you routinely look forward to certain things that happen, I mean for me it's the annual gathering at grandma's at the year end (my start to the year starts in December). Then it's Thaipusam in Penang. And then there's the March till May of wondering where is this year heading. Now this period usually ends with a crazy pack your bags and head to some island where we chug beer and chow prawns like there's no tomorrow...

Then when I usually get back from where ever it is I just got back from, it's the Jun and July period. Now this is the actually period I'm good at everything I do. I peak at work. I start dreaming of that big promotion, that filthy increment and that corner office where the sun set is awesome! Come August, 9 times out of 10 I would have had my blood sucked dry the corporation lies and bullshit. So August is usually the month where I update my resume. And not to rub it in, I'll be sulking in the all golden era of wrinkles! Yes, it's the month I turn a year older. And the words my dad said to me when I turned 20 keeps ringing in my ear; "You're 20, and what do you have to show for it?".

Oh then comes the crazy September where I start making enemies at work, I start smoothly making friends with the 'other' side. I remember one September I even drove 300miles to another interview just cause I was pissed with the boss. I have to say that was weird interview, we spent 2 hours bitching about the government in dingy Pizzahut at PTP, oh and my ex throwing a scene in a club that night took the cake!

Wait! (Drum roll please...): OCTOBER! Wooooo hhhhooooooo....!!! (nuff said).

We then come to a stand still at November, where everything starts to make sense and the world seems like a better place. We mellow down from all the ruff and tuff of May till September. We start saying things like; "Who ever said life was easy?", "When the going gets tough....." and saving the best for last; "It wasn't meant to be...".

Then it comes back to December, one full cycle... Circle... Whatever! Point is, is 2010 going to be any different? Time will tell...

Oh and I'm goooooooddd...

Have you ever stopped to wonder if you're good at anything? No I'm serious, are you good at anything at all and if you knew it would you say it? I mean, on a daily business scheme of things, we go about doing maybe a thousand things? Let's stop and make a list... Also let's see if we can say, we're good at any of these things?

1. Set the alarm
2. Turn it on
3. Go to bed
4. Pretend to go to bed
5. Pretend to pretend to go to bed

Okay I'm rambling... Onto more serious stuff

1. A hand shake
2. The take control of the room walk (When you walk into the room, you know?)
3. Kissing... (!!!)
4. Driving
5. Knowing which wine to pick
6. Make a kid laugh
7. At what you do at work
8. Play the game (You know)

I know a few people who are good at a few things, like my brother, he is good at computers. My best friend, he is good at gadgets. My girlfriend good with the monetary stuff. My mom, good in the kitchen. My boss, good on a spread sheet. Makes you wonder are you good at anything...

A little bit of giving back...

Just what this country needs right about now...

I recently saw a group on Facebook that supported the use of 'Macha' as the official Malaysian calling. Like the Americans have their 'Dude' and the British have their 'Mate'... But what inspired me the most was a comment left in there by one of the members and it went;

'One Malaysia is nonsense, One Macha is more likely to happen!'

With that in mind I must say, I've thus far started off 2010 with little glitter of hope for this world we live in. I once wrote;

'The cries of great men, for the freedom of a nation and for acknowledgment of individualism. For who and what they are. No more, no less. Not for a claim, nor for approval. This simple truth has been the elementary drive of these men and their existence...'

And what little we do, can spiral into heart warming climates (if not Tsunami's of a good nature). Over the weekend a few great men ('mankind', wouldn't wanna offend the extraordinary women who came too) tried to change the climate for a few people who needed some wind of change in their lives.



The children of Rita Home in Kapar.... Adorable brats!



The Toilet Roll Mummy... Just one of the games we played...



These kids had some hilarious stories to tell us and they were quite the story tellers!

Hats off to all those who came and I wanna give a shout-out to a special someone who spearheaded this event. You snowballed this, so take a bow, you're one of a kind...

You're the closest to heaven, I'll ever get...

If I went screaming 'love love love...' in the pouring rain would someone stop me and bitch slap me? Aside from the probability of getting run down by a rempit I don't think anyone would or should for that matter... I've had my heart broken so many times, I think I've lost count but not lost hope...

Yeah, yeah... I'm a hopeful romantic!

Now, I also know I'm a realist too. So how does this work? A realist knows that everything (and these are the words of a realist, not mine), everything comes to an end. It's the theory of evolution, one cycle has to end in order for the next to begin. But a hopeful goes on and on like that Celine Dion woman (and don't get me started on that song)...

I've often also said, that everything I've learned in life I've learned from Formula One. Yeah those non F1 followers will have trouble following these next few theories;

1. Qualifying position doesn't really matter on the starting grid if your strategy is sound...
2. Your win doesn't really matter, cause it's the points that at the end of the season that counts!

and lastly

3. Its one thing to catch up the to the race leader but whole different story to go pass...

(All of the above is void in the presence of R A I N)

Okay, now let's put all three genre into motion here; the realist is saying don't go for it, cause it's not really worth the long run. The hopeful in back-draft is saying fall like you've never fall before, cause it's not worth it at all if you don't. And the F1 theories only tell me one thing, fall like Senna or race away like Schumacher...

Twenty Ten

So gone it has that wretched 2009... How do I see it? Is it the year I've lost or gained? If it is one of those years I figure I've lost more than any, then it goes without saying; every year we lose our youth (and hair for men)... And this year it's major.. No, no... Major, major! Yup the big three o...

I look back to 2009 and I notice one thing; I lost a lot of possessions! Cars, phones, shoes, clothings and it didn't stop there, 2009 even manage to take away my camera at the 11th hour. Hmmm... The thing that has expanded exponentially is probably my friends list, good trade off? Time will tell!