sticks and stones...

last night when i was on the phone with Sarah and she mentioned how half the time i'm always talking about my company and how irritated i am about things there. i realized it's so damn true, i have no outside life anymore (not like i had one before, anyways), my mind is constantly thinking of what i am going thru in this hell hole and how i can jump ship or change the way things are. sigh, so sad.

on the other hand it does keep my mind off things which are far more worst than job satisfaction and money.

when i finished my studies i promised myself i wanted to work in my first job, minimum for atleast a year, no matter how conditions were. sorry to have gone back on my decision but if i don't do this i know i'll become another donkey pulling the cart of mortal life, i know i am destened for greatness and by god i will achieve it (ofcourse first i have to know what is it i want to achieve?).

you know its times like this when i miss my childhood the most, damn those fantastic good old days. growing up i had one of the best childhood a man could possible ask for, showered with love and pampered with gifts and toys. i still remember when i was like 5 years old i had a room filled with toys. didn't matter if i didn't pick my toys up, cause the entire room was literally filled with toys. i had like a gezillion matchbox cars, my fav was Lego. damn i miss building stuff out of Lego. me and my brother had gone bored out of building the stuff on the box, we'd use the parts and build something with our own design, suped up ofcourse, hehaehaheha...

my creative mind is being killed off here and i can't let them take away the one thing that is the most valuable to me, my mind. now seriously, i'm thinking, even if they do offer me something that i am satisfied with, and i do (for some unforsaken reason) decide to stay on, what will be my co-workers perception on me? is it worth it? am i going to be happy? will i be treated the same way?

in my life i have gained a lot and i have lost a lot, like they say, 'you count your losses and move on' or 'stay back and cry over spilled milk' and when someone reaches the stage of choosing between the two routes, it's hell i tell you, hell. even though we know which one is the wiser choice, GGAWWDDDD it's hell.

here's to a great childhood *raising my mineral water bottle.

later...

the winds of change...

so now they wanna hear our story...

a resignation letter is a powerfull tool. now i know why many people use it to get what they want. all of a sudden everybody is interested in knowing what is the story, they're sitting down and listening to my demands and problems. you know you're important when GM's are prepared to sit with you and hear your problems trying to convince you not to go. well i don't care, i know what i am worth, i know i am good, i know i can survive without this organization. i'm only gonna stay if 3 of my demamnds are met;

1. Job satisfaction
2. Higher basic
3. New contract terms

if not buh bye....

tomorrow they wanna have a top level management meeting with us at 4pm, then they'll make a dicision, wish me luck and lets hope they do some changes. well even if they don't, won't matter much i just make like a tree and FUCK OFF.

later...

resignation...

i know i might be doing nothing (again) for awhile before i get a new job but what the hell. i've submitted my resignation today and kinda feel very relieved. i told management every single thing i was disatisfied with, even how hot Melacca was.

wish me luck, hope i get another job in 2 weeks time. seriously thinking of going back to UK.

later...

Rottweiler vs German Shepherd

what do you think, which one should i get? i wanna get myself a big dog and these two are my choices, hmmmm...

good will hunting

and so the hunt begins again, the job hunt obviously. i promised myself i wanted to work at my first job for atleast a year despite how bad it gets but here i am searching for other jobs within 4 months. i have a valid reason...

i can slowly feel myself turning brain dead and slow. my dad once told me a story about how a merchant who had two donkeys to pull his cart to the market decided to speed up his journey, so he bought himself a horse and made the horse pull the donkeys. donkeys being the dumb, slow, stubborn creatures they never really got with the pace of the horse, at the end of the day, the horse started walking at the donkeys' pace. i am that horse now...

i feel like a over heated Type - R in race with a bunch of Datsun 120Y's. i went for an interview on friday, with a big American company, lets see if get that job, my fingers and toes are all crossed, i've even got my balls crossed...

AND I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT :@(

michellin man signing out, later...

day 2 of !@#$%^&*(

boring....

i went and checked out online prices for PDA phones. hey Ric, the Xda IIs is only RM29**.** and you know what, i'm actually thinking about it. oh and i was thinking of planning a trip sometime next year, how does Mexico sound? didn't realize it was gonna cost me 6K just for airfare.

oh oh oh, and i think somebody is surfing the net for porn with my PC. i hope i don't get into trouble for this. weird assholes la, go home and do stuff like this la, aiyooooo...

so this weekend i have to pick Enzo up from the vet, poor fellow got the 'snip snip' and he had his hernia op as well. my mom went and checked on him yesterday, she actually thinks he has lost weight in 2 days :@P

so my supposedly new boss told me this morning, i might be starting tomorrow earliest and my old boss is not as friendly as he was before, practically ignoring me, oh well I.D.G.A.R.A.. another colleague of mine (who is my housemate too) told me we might be given our bonus this weekend, and he told me, his sources told him, we newbies are getting it too (of my god i am gossiping, its like a virus).

i'm going for all my breaks atleast half an hour late just so i don't get sucked into this gossip frenzy that has swept my company like wildfire and yet here i am doing the same thing. wait, or is this called bitching, instead?

i also found that 'The Omen' is being released on 06/06/06 this year, gotta watch and ofcourse the much talked about 'Water Spirit' which opens this thursday, i wonder if its gonna be worth it. i thought 'Emily Rose' was really good, the fact that it was a true story gave it an edge too, just like 'Exorcist'. anyone wanna join me for a horror flick weekend? we can also drive up to every scary place in town. btw, Melacca is filled with cemetaries.

i just had a thought, next month, we'll have a day when the time and date will read 02:03 04/05/06. i remember blogging twice last year when it was 05:05 05/05/05 and 01:02 03/04/05, i really didn't have a life last year eh? and i was in the fucking UK!

and yet somehow i've not gotten far from where i was last year :@(

later...

!@#$%^&*(

ever since i voiced out my dislike of my current job, i've been doing nothing. due to the fact everyone knows i might be changing departments (or if god forbids, changing jobs altogether), no one is paying attention to what i do, where i go, who i speak to. this sucks.

i could sit all day at my desk and do absolutely nothing and no one will GIVE A SHIT!

see i'm the kind of person who wants first and foremost (besides a job), job satisfaction, i wanna come to work because i know i can contribute, i have something to offer, something to create, i wanna go home knowing i have actually done something gratifying, for myself and my organization. but i don't have it!

since money is not the biggest deal to me (don't get me wrong, i'm not fucking the Sultan of Brunei on the side or anything), i don't think pay should be an issue but for crying out loud don't pay me crap, which is what i'm getting!

i wanna come to work to meet my colleague's, talk about last nights game, Michael Schumacher's great move on the back marker, then dwell into work, group discussions and how we tackle problems one at a time. be real professionals, at work. i wanna be able to go out for lunch occasionally. i wanna an organization that DOESN'T STEAL OUR PUBLIC HOLIDAYS!

my organization, though it is stated in my vision and mission, 'Professionalism' NOT A SINGLE SOUL HAS IT! i somehow believe this company is a communist organization, cause we work 8-5, but they want us to come to work at 6.30, then go back at 7. then they wont pay us OT for the extra hours. then we have to work 48hours a week, so saturdays like this one, they call replacement for today FUCKING PUBLIC HOLIDAY. when it comes to public holiday it is my discretion whether i wanna work or not. YOU MOTHER FUCKERs DON'T TAKE MY HOLIDAY AND THEN CALL IT REPLACEMENT OFFDAY, WHEN IT IS SUPPOSE TO BE MY OFFDAY, just because the legal term says not more than 48hours per week.

this a company is made out of broad daylight vampires. Engineers are doing operator's job, operators are doing supervisor's job, managers are doing ball sucking jobs. i'm just gonna wait and see when they're gonna give me job that i'm capable of doing, i'm gonna sit here and wait. let them pay my ass for sitting. if i was a man with no intergrity, i would have kept my mouth shut and keep on getting paid for doing nothing but i went and voiced it out and now i am still doing nothing, your loss sucker!

pissed off engineers are very very dangerous, we know a lot of detruction methods. since they promised me next week, we'll see or else i am leaving, buh bye, sayonara assholes!

you are the one, Neo....

finding yourself in today's world is hard enough as it is, finding your place in this world? as we grow up, we realize we are a apart of a continuous cycle, as as bad as we don't want to be a part of it, unfortunately we are. even if you have to be dragged kicking and screaming, you are a part of it so get with the program.

as a kid my dad once told me, 'shake off the pain, and keep going...'. as a kid i was completely oblivious to what he was saying, 'what pain, go where?' i was only interested in Voltron and ThunderCats. seeing how Voltron nor ThunderCats are no longer airing, i feel the pain, and i'm moving...not on, just moving, its a start. sometimes we want our hands to held and to be led unfortunately, again, it ain't gonna be like all the time, so get with the program.

i could sit here all day and talk about how we all should 'get with the program' but eventually somebody will suspect there's a glitch with the matrix and they'd pull my plug.

i'm getting FAT!

later....