Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Is my two front teeth...
All I want for Christmas. Oh, wait.. Crap, that's like another 8 months away. Anyone wanna sponsor me like 400bucks? I take advanced birthday gifts too...
To rubber or not to rubber...
I was watching a rerun of Seinfeld last night and there was a scene where George was complaining to Jerry about how they make condom packet so difficult to open and Jerry say; "well it gives the women a few moments to change their mind.." (Farnieee..!)
Which actually kinda got me thinking; 'the opening of the condom packet' moment is the only part of sex that is so uncool, isn't it? No matter what situation, where you are or who you're doing; the whole minute of two you take to reach for that aluminum'ish packet, tear it open and bloody put it on is like the most dork'ish thing a man can do during sex. It must look really REALLY dork'ish, come to think of it. Crap, why has this never occurred to me before? I wonder if there is a whole unwriten Man's Protocal on this, LOL!
Suddenly everytime I shut my eyes, I'm faced with flashes of all the times I've put it on and seriously it's nightmare'ish. For years now I've been doing the dorkiest thing in front of women and I'm also starting to wonder why they didn't change their minds when they so had a chance. Then again, I remember reading somewhere that rubber'ing yourself is supposedly the gentleman thing to do, really? I thought it was bringing her flowers...
I think I should start writing for sitcoms!
Which actually kinda got me thinking; 'the opening of the condom packet' moment is the only part of sex that is so uncool, isn't it? No matter what situation, where you are or who you're doing; the whole minute of two you take to reach for that aluminum'ish packet, tear it open and bloody put it on is like the most dork'ish thing a man can do during sex. It must look really REALLY dork'ish, come to think of it. Crap, why has this never occurred to me before? I wonder if there is a whole unwriten Man's Protocal on this, LOL!
Suddenly everytime I shut my eyes, I'm faced with flashes of all the times I've put it on and seriously it's nightmare'ish. For years now I've been doing the dorkiest thing in front of women and I'm also starting to wonder why they didn't change their minds when they so had a chance. Then again, I remember reading somewhere that rubber'ing yourself is supposedly the gentleman thing to do, really? I thought it was bringing her flowers...
I think I should start writing for sitcoms!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The points don't matter anymore...
I've been reserving myself from blogging about this for months now. Simple reason is that for many years now I've always gotten so friggin' excited about the season, that I mouth off far to fast. This year I wanted to watch the opening race before I actually commented on anything about the sport.
So let's start with this afternoon... Brawn Mercedes ehhh??! (Awesome..)
Does anyone remember Ross Brawn from Benetton? Yes, the yellow and green cars with the huge Camel print on the rear wing from the early 90s'. Funny how I don't. Maybe because the whole time in spite it was his ingenious technical direction that lead the team to two championships, it was the face of Michael Schumacher and Flavio Briatore that was flashed on television screens most of the time. I think the very first time I saw him was when Michael Schumacher won the Japanese GP in 1995 and he was up there to take the constructors throphy. From then on, what a whole decade with Ferrari and what; 6 drivers titles and 7 contructors titles? Impressive would you say so... Nothing compared to this afternoon then again. Rear defuser aside, I mean that's for the FIA to iron out but today's results speak volumes of the man's experiences. My sincere cheers to the man. Good to see a an underdog come and take on the big guns.
Don't doubt it for one minute; I'm still Tifossi, word!
Okay, Formula One is this sport where they're constantly looking to break the formula. You ask me; 1998 was the sports pinacle moment. The rules rocked, the driver raced, the team princeples kept their mouth shut, Bernie made money and Mosley wasn't wearing a Nazi uniform and Murray Walker was still screaming come grand prix weekends. Every year they wanna bring 'something new' into the game to spice it up or slow the sport down bla bla safety bla bla bla.
This season, I think the only three good news that came out of the FIA press room was; 1. Pit Lane stays open, 2. KERS and 3. Slick tyres. I seriously had my doubts about KERS initially but after watching an on board cam of Lewis Hamilton tailing Nico Rosberg and not lose any speed from the turbulence at almost every corner in Albert Park(Street Circuit thingy), I likey KERS...
Years and years of watching Formula One over and over again, watching a driver take the chequered flag is still a phenomenal feeling that just overwhelms me. Despite most or some of the times it's heartbreaking to watch your hero NOT making it all the way there. But something told you; hey, championships are not won in one race. You know what? That might not be true this season. Winner take all, well at least that's what the FIA is saying. So I don't get this, if a driver is like miles ahead of the another driver in the points, he still could lose the championship because he didn't rack up more wins? Or if a driver like won 5 back to back races and then got fired and at the end of the season he was the one with the most race wins, does that mean a driver that's not even in the sport anymore wins the championship? I think I gotta got read the rules again. I'm sure Charlie Whitting and Bernie Eccelstone thought of things like this...
Aside from all this, I think this season is going to be awesome. Finally a season where the playing grounds look so even. Yet there is this voice in the back of my head saying; it's too early to call it. Wait this the big boys get into the European circuits!
So let's start with this afternoon... Brawn Mercedes ehhh??! (Awesome..)
Does anyone remember Ross Brawn from Benetton? Yes, the yellow and green cars with the huge Camel print on the rear wing from the early 90s'. Funny how I don't. Maybe because the whole time in spite it was his ingenious technical direction that lead the team to two championships, it was the face of Michael Schumacher and Flavio Briatore that was flashed on television screens most of the time. I think the very first time I saw him was when Michael Schumacher won the Japanese GP in 1995 and he was up there to take the constructors throphy. From then on, what a whole decade with Ferrari and what; 6 drivers titles and 7 contructors titles? Impressive would you say so... Nothing compared to this afternoon then again. Rear defuser aside, I mean that's for the FIA to iron out but today's results speak volumes of the man's experiences. My sincere cheers to the man. Good to see a an underdog come and take on the big guns.
Don't doubt it for one minute; I'm still Tifossi, word!
Okay, Formula One is this sport where they're constantly looking to break the formula. You ask me; 1998 was the sports pinacle moment. The rules rocked, the driver raced, the team princeples kept their mouth shut, Bernie made money and Mosley wasn't wearing a Nazi uniform and Murray Walker was still screaming come grand prix weekends. Every year they wanna bring 'something new' into the game to spice it up or slow the sport down bla bla safety bla bla bla.
This season, I think the only three good news that came out of the FIA press room was; 1. Pit Lane stays open, 2. KERS and 3. Slick tyres. I seriously had my doubts about KERS initially but after watching an on board cam of Lewis Hamilton tailing Nico Rosberg and not lose any speed from the turbulence at almost every corner in Albert Park(Street Circuit thingy), I likey KERS...
Years and years of watching Formula One over and over again, watching a driver take the chequered flag is still a phenomenal feeling that just overwhelms me. Despite most or some of the times it's heartbreaking to watch your hero NOT making it all the way there. But something told you; hey, championships are not won in one race. You know what? That might not be true this season. Winner take all, well at least that's what the FIA is saying. So I don't get this, if a driver is like miles ahead of the another driver in the points, he still could lose the championship because he didn't rack up more wins? Or if a driver like won 5 back to back races and then got fired and at the end of the season he was the one with the most race wins, does that mean a driver that's not even in the sport anymore wins the championship? I think I gotta got read the rules again. I'm sure Charlie Whitting and Bernie Eccelstone thought of things like this...
Aside from all this, I think this season is going to be awesome. Finally a season where the playing grounds look so even. Yet there is this voice in the back of my head saying; it's too early to call it. Wait this the big boys get into the European circuits!
Saturday, March 28, 2009
3 ounces of my banana-nana-nana juices...
I've been told that I'm below average engineer recently, to be exact, I'm a bottom 10 in the whole of my organization of engineers. 'Bottom10', that's an interesting way of putting it, don't you think so? It's like someone constantly judging you, or trying to label you with something. Have we come to that stage that everyday I need to prove myself? Jeez... If I had known, I would worn something more comfortable! Or more stylish at least...
"Oh of all the millions of sperm, YOU made it?!"
Alright, maybe I am an under performer, maybe I am a non achiever... Maybe I don't give a shit who's watching. Maybe I don't really fancy a 'good job' email dropping into my inbox. It's nice to be aggressive and motivated only like, I dunno, 20% of the time and just cut lose and relax a little, don't you think so. I hate the fact that I HAVE to give a 117% all the time...
Now where is that calling for my bartender job in Jamaica? I know I don't make that fantastic of cocktails but hey... I know I can hold in all my bottles, LOL!!
"Puff, puff, pass it man! Don't hog Mary Jane..."
Plus, imagine all the naked British women who just wanna get high and wasted on paradise island.... I definitely need to get one of those hats with a banana on it! Or at least a St. Patrick's Day Guinness Hat will do...
"Oh of all the millions of sperm, YOU made it?!"
Alright, maybe I am an under performer, maybe I am a non achiever... Maybe I don't give a shit who's watching. Maybe I don't really fancy a 'good job' email dropping into my inbox. It's nice to be aggressive and motivated only like, I dunno, 20% of the time and just cut lose and relax a little, don't you think so. I hate the fact that I HAVE to give a 117% all the time...
Now where is that calling for my bartender job in Jamaica? I know I don't make that fantastic of cocktails but hey... I know I can hold in all my bottles, LOL!!
"Puff, puff, pass it man! Don't hog Mary Jane..."
Plus, imagine all the naked British women who just wanna get high and wasted on paradise island.... I definitely need to get one of those hats with a banana on it! Or at least a St. Patrick's Day Guinness Hat will do...
Friday, March 27, 2009
I need to vent...
Have you guys ever gone to parking lot after six, I'm talking about those along the streets that have parking meters? I was always under the impression that those meters are only from 7am till 6pm. Ever parked you car in one of those spot and suddenly have one guy come up to you and ask you for 10bucks???!!!
You ask him why; he gives you this 'story' about how he has leased this spots from the DBKL from 6pm till 3am! I seriously think this is daylight or should I say moonlight robbery. Who the hell are these guys to just suddenly start charging parking for a spot the government is already making money of us. If you don't pay during the day, you get a ticket, you don't pay during the night, you get you car scratched! What the FUCK LA WEI?! I think the Government is in it with these hoodlums trying to make a quick buck out of us night birds. I rather park my car in shopping complex and walk then pay these idiots who are conning people out of their money. Valley parking I can understand but this is ridicules...
You ask him why; he gives you this 'story' about how he has leased this spots from the DBKL from 6pm till 3am! I seriously think this is daylight or should I say moonlight robbery. Who the hell are these guys to just suddenly start charging parking for a spot the government is already making money of us. If you don't pay during the day, you get a ticket, you don't pay during the night, you get you car scratched! What the FUCK LA WEI?! I think the Government is in it with these hoodlums trying to make a quick buck out of us night birds. I rather park my car in shopping complex and walk then pay these idiots who are conning people out of their money. Valley parking I can understand but this is ridicules...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Stuck with you since...
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Out of order, I'll show you out of order! You don't know what out of order is, Mr.Trask! I'd show you but I'm too old, I'm too tired, and I'm too fuckin' blind
- Scent Of A Woman
Man A: What do you mean...
Man B: I mean what I mean...
Man A: But they can be so mean...
- (Can't remember which Kamal Hassan movie)
Old Man: In the church, they say to forgive.
Creasy: Forgiveness is between them and God. It's my job to arrange the meeting.
- Man On Fire
John Milton: Are we negotiating?
Kevin Lomax: Always.
- Devil's Advocate
Lt. Gen. Eugene Irwin: Take a look at a castle. Any castle. Now break down the key elements that make it a castle. They haven't changed in a thousand years. 1: Location. A site on high ground that commands the territory as far as the eye can see. 2: Protection. Big walls, walls strong enough to withstand a frontal attack. 3: A garrison. Men who are trained and willing to kill. 4: A flag. You tell your men you are soldiers and that's your flag. You tell them nobody takes our flag. And you raise that flag so it flies high where everyone can see it. Now you've got yourself a castle. The only difference between this castle and all the rest is that they were built to keep people out. This castle is built to keep people in.
- Last Castle
Elsie: Shut up. Just shut up. Homer once said you love the mine more than your own family. I stood up for you because I didn't want to believe it. Homer has gotten alot of help from the people in this town. They've helped him build his rockets. They've watched him fly 'em. But not you. You never showed up, not even once. I'm not asking you to believe in it, but he's your son, for God's sake. And I am asking you to help him. If you don't, I'll leave you. I'll do whatever it takes to get away from here. I will work, if that's what it takes. I'll live in a tree to get away from you. Don't think I won't.
John: Where would you go?
Elsie: Myrtle Beach.
- October Sky
Baker: Joseph P. Brenner... what's the P stand for?
Kaminsky: Pussy.
- Raw Deal
Chuck Noland: We might just make it. Did that thought ever cross your brain? Well regardless I would rather take my chance out there on the ocean, that to stay here and die on this shithole island spending the rest of my life talking to a god damn VOLLEYBALL.
- Cast Away
Gen. Zaysen: Drop your weapons! Now! You have no chance of escape! Come forward! I wish to take you back alive! This is your last warning! The choice is yours!
Col. Trautman: What do you say John?
Rambo: Fuck 'em!
- Rambo III
Buzz: I've set my laser from stun to kill.
Woody: Oh, great. If anyone attacks we can blink em' to death.
- Toy Story
John: My son is dying, and I'm broke. If I don't qualify for Medicare, WHO THE HELL DOES?
- John Q
- Scent Of A Woman
Man A: What do you mean...
Man B: I mean what I mean...
Man A: But they can be so mean...
- (Can't remember which Kamal Hassan movie)
Old Man: In the church, they say to forgive.
Creasy: Forgiveness is between them and God. It's my job to arrange the meeting.
- Man On Fire
John Milton: Are we negotiating?
Kevin Lomax: Always.
- Devil's Advocate
Lt. Gen. Eugene Irwin: Take a look at a castle. Any castle. Now break down the key elements that make it a castle. They haven't changed in a thousand years. 1: Location. A site on high ground that commands the territory as far as the eye can see. 2: Protection. Big walls, walls strong enough to withstand a frontal attack. 3: A garrison. Men who are trained and willing to kill. 4: A flag. You tell your men you are soldiers and that's your flag. You tell them nobody takes our flag. And you raise that flag so it flies high where everyone can see it. Now you've got yourself a castle. The only difference between this castle and all the rest is that they were built to keep people out. This castle is built to keep people in.
- Last Castle
Elsie: Shut up. Just shut up. Homer once said you love the mine more than your own family. I stood up for you because I didn't want to believe it. Homer has gotten alot of help from the people in this town. They've helped him build his rockets. They've watched him fly 'em. But not you. You never showed up, not even once. I'm not asking you to believe in it, but he's your son, for God's sake. And I am asking you to help him. If you don't, I'll leave you. I'll do whatever it takes to get away from here. I will work, if that's what it takes. I'll live in a tree to get away from you. Don't think I won't.
John: Where would you go?
Elsie: Myrtle Beach.
- October Sky
Baker: Joseph P. Brenner... what's the P stand for?
Kaminsky: Pussy.
- Raw Deal
Chuck Noland: We might just make it. Did that thought ever cross your brain? Well regardless I would rather take my chance out there on the ocean, that to stay here and die on this shithole island spending the rest of my life talking to a god damn VOLLEYBALL.
- Cast Away
Gen. Zaysen: Drop your weapons! Now! You have no chance of escape! Come forward! I wish to take you back alive! This is your last warning! The choice is yours!
Col. Trautman: What do you say John?
Rambo: Fuck 'em!
- Rambo III
Buzz: I've set my laser from stun to kill.
Woody: Oh, great. If anyone attacks we can blink em' to death.
- Toy Story
John: My son is dying, and I'm broke. If I don't qualify for Medicare, WHO THE HELL DOES?
- John Q
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
She acts like summer and walks like rain...
I was on my way home the other night after a movie and I popped in an old CD I found lying about in the glove compartment... Blasting out comes 'Drops Of Jupiter' by Train. Gawd!!! It brought back memories... I remember driving down to Melacca one sunny day, I was on my way to see my then girlfriend and I was driving her Fiat Marea. Let me tell you something about those Italian made machines; they pack a mean punch!
(Anyways, I'm drifting away from the point..)
I remember the drive for the drive. I love to drive... You know that feeling where you don't give a fuck how much money you've got in your pockets, or what to expect the next day or today for that matter... You just throw a few things in a bag, and can't wait to hit the road? I remember driving, talking to myself, monologue'ing movie lines, sipping a coke, munching on a sneakers bar. No expectations on what's beyond that horizon. I guess it was also partly due to the feeling of being in love. Knowing at the end of the journey there was this most sweetest lips on earth waiting for you to plunker when you get there...
(Again, I'm drifting away from the point..)
Back to trying to capture that horizon... I remember a part somewhere after Senawang, when 'Drops of Jupiter' came on the radio (It was 2003, chart topper back then). The moment was beautiful... Mouthing to the lyrics as laud as you can, flooring the engine hearing her purr along the highway... Greens on your left, on-coming cars on your right, white lines going by like you're on warp drive, and pure energy flowing thru your body with no prejudicious thoughts of anything at all... Not a care in the world...
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey....
(Anyways, I'm drifting away from the point..)
I remember the drive for the drive. I love to drive... You know that feeling where you don't give a fuck how much money you've got in your pockets, or what to expect the next day or today for that matter... You just throw a few things in a bag, and can't wait to hit the road? I remember driving, talking to myself, monologue'ing movie lines, sipping a coke, munching on a sneakers bar. No expectations on what's beyond that horizon. I guess it was also partly due to the feeling of being in love. Knowing at the end of the journey there was this most sweetest lips on earth waiting for you to plunker when you get there...
(Again, I'm drifting away from the point..)
Back to trying to capture that horizon... I remember a part somewhere after Senawang, when 'Drops of Jupiter' came on the radio (It was 2003, chart topper back then). The moment was beautiful... Mouthing to the lyrics as laud as you can, flooring the engine hearing her purr along the highway... Greens on your left, on-coming cars on your right, white lines going by like you're on warp drive, and pure energy flowing thru your body with no prejudicious thoughts of anything at all... Not a care in the world...
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey....
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