the directions that we get blown into.... on purpose? coincidental? chain reaction of your own doing? fate? i'd go with my own shitty doing, must have been something i did to have end up where i am. i'd rather take the blame of everything that happens in my life that way at least i'd have the illusion of control.
we seldom ask ourselves what led us here but only to rush for the ultimate question, how do i get out of here. so many times i've wonder am i like on purpose ramming into walls at high speed or is it my probatory nature. somehow or in some weird sort of way i probably think everything that happens is justified (don't ask how).
i was talking to Nadia a couple of days back, and she said something which kinda remained in my head;
'the love we have for our god is different from the ones we emotionally feel toward others'.
and to be honest i have no idea what this means. i look up at him and say; 'you treat me this badly and still you want me to love you, oh screw you man, you really do have a thick skin don't you?' i've been in and out of faith from the turn of the millinium and honestly i would know how to define religion, faith, TIG what ever it is people call it these days. ohhh forget it... am i a nice guy? i don't know. used to think i was one stuck up SOB. i'd probably bitch slap myself if i met myself (in some weird polarized 7th dimension). but i can easily get used, can't i? these days i get tje feeling everyone is using me. no one is sincere anymore, am i paranoid or have my insides gone rotten?
oh btw, what do you think these (thought of getting one next month)
Celtic is the way to go and i was thinking of getting it on my arms. nope, it carries no significance what so ever. maybe i just need the pain to put the boot back in arse.
and another thing, does anyone remember this british pop group from the late 90s' called Steps. they made cover albums for ABBA songs, well i was i was browsing the net for song lyrics and stumbled upon Steps, not a bad looking british women, eh?
okay...i gotta go check my work now...fuck you too world!
later....
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