something about mary

if someone questioned you whether or not what you are doing or did is right, how would you react?

if it was me (okay laaa, it is me) i'd just forget about it and go about what i was doing. reason being i'm too strong of an individual to stop and bother how others feel about the things i do/say. i know i sound like a bona fide SOB but this is who i am. but then again i've always regreted hurting those who have come close to me and i do wanna say it's not what i wanted.

is it wrong to give your sanctity the utmost importance. is it wrong to say, i wont let myself get hurt? and i can say that i am hurting inside, old wounds have not healed and new ones are layering over it already.

on seperate note, i was talking to Mohan last saturday. everything he said made sense, well he said a lot of things but the one things that stuck in my mind was this, my old blog was good. he would read it again and again but this one (my new one) is crap. i guess in someways i was a better man in the UK cause that was the time i was going thru my Acceptance and Mourning stages. and during my recovery stage and i come back here, i've become a bigger bastard than i ever was. deep down that soft Raj still exist, i'm just finding it hard to bring him back out. i dunno why...maybe cause he is still busy crying and missing someone.

"can't blame your narcissism..." - Ros

am i changing the way i look too much?

Crack, crack...Thunder Crack, cracked my ZZZZZ's

i've always been a guy who is not easily frightened (okay, not really laaa) but last night i was freaked by the sounds of thunder and the flashes of lightening. i am serious, the thunder literally scared me out of my boxers (another reason to sleep in the nude). it sounded like the thunder was right outside my window and the lightening was gunning for me. am being paranoid? but, no wait, when was the last time you were scared of a little rain and thunder and lightening? when i was 5, 4 maybe less. maybe it's something else, maybe i was AFRAID OF THE DARK?

sigh....

okay, you know i gotta blog about this (no way in hell is there gonna be a blog of mine without talking about Formula One). before i start typing about the Australian Grand Prix, i need to quote someone;

"I'll never miss watching Formula One but i miss Formula One" ~ Navein

so Ferrari are off to a fyling start. the Iceman was so dominant that at every stint he managed to pull a full 17 to 16 second gap between himself and second place man, which to no suprise to me was both McLaren drivers. no bad run from the rookie, Lewis Hamilton. and then of course (i can believe i'm gonna use this word ) the defending world champion Alonso drove another champions drive, not giving an inch and not taking an inch more than he needed to (very Schumacher only?). which brings me to Massa (another word i can't believe i'm using), the Ferrari veteran, from last to 6th, not bad or bad? all in all i thought he did an amazing job at fighting his way till he reached behind both factory Honda's, and then he determined his place out of the podium by staying there. and then after that, once again he drove a solid QUIET race (mind you, quiet is not the way to drive if you wanna grab the podium spots). despite the fact that he was fueled to the brim, i think the Ferrari had the edge over Renault (of Fisichella) which Massa finished behind. but then again, 1st race of the season, you wouldn't wanna risk everything to gun for the chequered flag, unless of course you think in the lateral (and once again the name Schumacher comes to mind) way of the single of points make the tiniest of difference at the end of the season.

so after all the hints i gave in the first stint of my review about Formula One, enough of the Australian GP, time to talk about the quote above;

Michael Schumacher laft a void in Formula One. yes many will deny it, cause all they wanted was to see this aging giant walk out of the sport, thinking it'll give the sport an opportunity to grow out of the Senna, Prost, Hill and Schumi era. hate to disappoint them, IT'LL NEVER!

drivers come and go every year but Legends make their mark that (opologies for the word) stain the sport for life. yes i agree there is no one player greater than the game but the likes of Michael Jordan, Tiger Wood, Pete Sampras, Babe Ruth, Ayrton Senna and Michael Schumacher the sport was not big enough to contain them. they grew too big to fast and stayed there too long. i'll admit watching Formula One last weekend was exciting, Kimi gave us one hell of a show but the anticipation before the race was not there. the thrill during the race was not there. it was all yay yay but no argh argh argh...

i'll forever be a Tifossi, no doubt about that and i cannot imagine myself giving up on the sport that has tought me so much about life itself. but something was gone and probably never get it back in it's true original form. and now being a Formula One obsessive-compulsive disorder patient, i have to find my cure in recognizing myself with another character to fullfill the urges of speed and victory, spills and thrills. but i still wanna put my finger up and claim something has come out short.

in short, Formula One; it has everything a race needs, it has everthing to a great season building up to new contentions, it has everything except the Michael Magic was we have far too often come to recognize with.

i know exactly what you mean Navein....

Waiting On The World To Change

By John Mayer

Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
There's no way we ever could

Now we see everything that's going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it

So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change

Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on their door
And when you trust your television
What you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information, oh
They can bend it all they want

That's why we're waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's not that we don't care,
We just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

And we're still waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting waiting on the world to change
One day our generation
Is gonna rule the population
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

the cekap'os, the mental'os and the crack'os

the cekap'os

300, awesome movie. a bunch of new faces which eventually all of it get severed off. amazing battle scenes (typical epic battle movie) but i particularly loved the scene where Leonides had to battle with this ugly (and i mean bad ass mother fucking ugly) kinda 8 foot giant with a face that can scare the shit out of a Rottweiler. i went with a bunch of colleagues (so Ric don't get jealous).

the mental'os

have you guys realized lately that the tollgate personnels are getting more and more prettier. don't get me wrong, no discrmination intended. but seriously i've been noticing the toolbooth women are getting hotter and hotter day by day. or is it just me?

the crack'os

i've been over spending and seriously need smakc my hands everytime it reaches for the plastic burried in leather.

Sports update...

Liverpool 0-1 Manchester United

O'Shea at stockage time, bend over bitch

ladies and gentlemen, meet Teddy....

she just got herself a cool hair cut and a new hairclip, isn't she just simply cute.



i miss her (damn did i say that out loud)...



oh btw don't they look like twin sisters, i actually have another picture but i kinda know if i post that picture Sarah would literally kill me, hehaheahe....