You know how you have one or two 'goras' who have been to India tell you; "India changed my life.." (like that Eat, Pray & Love woman la).. I say to these people; "What are you talking about? Have you not been to Bangkok before?! LOL!" I even know a few friends who have gone to India, who told me, they felt a sense of belonging while they were here; like they've finally come home. Yup, you guessed it right, they're Malaysian Indians. I doubt an apek will say these things to me. But I've been here two weeks now and still no sense of belonging at all. Maybe I should go down south where my forefathers are from (even then, MAYBE).From my observations, I think I figured out why I'll never be more Indian or less for that matter;
1. The concept of a queue eludes the Indians.
You see a store, you want something, you walk up and you get it, if there is someone in front of you, he/she is invisible. If you stand behind that person, you'll never get served cause 87,000 other countrymen are going to cut in front of you. And that was the first thing England thought me, you queue up for EVERYTHING!
2. They never put their feet up.
If there is a pavement or a railing we Malaysian have an automated reaction to put our feet up on it. The Indians don't and I dunno if it is out of respect or they're just not habituated that way. While I was in Delhi Airport, I put my feet up on my luggage. And the stares I got were spine chilling! And I thought, they liked my sparkling Nike shoes... Or they somehow were Bata spies!
3. There is a buzz about the people.
They are the rough & tough kind who constantly is wanting something or rather not wanting to be left out. They demand for everything, they complain about everything, they talk to strangers next to them, they have no sense of personal space. But you'll never catch a single one just standing still doing absolutely nothing. Even the beggars have a song and jiggle about them...
4. They treat their guest very well.
I'm practically the Duke of Batanagar. The hospitality is over whelming in the sense that I can do no wrong and there isn't anything I can't ask for. 'Jump' and 'kitna lambbe' (I think I got that wrong) you'll hear from a distance....
5. There is a strong sense of hierarchy.
On my first day, I had to make some international calls and the only place to do so is the VP's room. I was asked not to sit on the VP's chair because it WAS the VP's chair! Which btw, my office chair is bigger, ppbbbbttt....
6. Shah Rukh Khan!
He endorses everything! From nylon underwear to automobiles. Maybe they should put him on a Durex advert, could help control the population a little! Katrina Kaif is on the cover of The Indian Telegraph EVERYDAY, while Sachin Tendulkar graces the sports section EVERYDAY too. I feel like I have a threesome going on with them after two weeks...
7. To complaint or not to......
Don't be shy of a little ankle sprain either if you want to walk in India, but the weather now is perfect for walks, so I'm not complaining. But beware of the ambushing spitter! No it's not a snake only found in India, it's the pedestrian who constantly needs to spit and they come at you out of nowhere. And the most deadly of this kind is the ones who spit 'pan parag'. Google up this special breed of Indians. You'll need a mouth piece to prevent you from biting down on your own tongue if you are driving in India, not because the potholes but the speed-bumps too, like 15 of them back to back. And the 'rules of engagements' are a little different here. The highbeam and horn is the most used component on the car. I wonder how frequent do they get their horns changed. Another export business idea!!
9. Speaking of business ideas!
The next person to open up a cheap hair removal service for women will be the next Tata Birla of India. And the women would probably worship you!
10. Bow before me...
They are so respectful but I notice only to me. Among themselves, there is not a single 'excuse me', nor a 'thank you' or nor even a 'sorry'. But they say Namaskar to everyone the meet. I guess that sense of hierarchy is in action here again. What I hate the most is the interruptions you get while having a conversation with someone. Then again, here is the buzz we talked about earlier.
11. The cho cho train....
Everything over here is at an 'overnight by train' to reach distance. Crap! This country is fucking huge I tell you! Delhi to Calcutta, 24 hours, Calcutta to Mumbai 24hours, Calcutta to Bangalore 24hours. And I drive from KL to Penang in 2.5hours!!!
12. Cleanliness is next to Godliness!
This I'll say from the bottom of my heart, I will never complain about another dirty toilet in Malaysia again. I have a thing about toilets, they have to be either VERY VERY clean or they have to be at home. India has put me in one of those Fear Factor episodes where you have to do what you're most afraid off, minus the million bucks! But on the bright side, there's no one taking a leak in public or a dump behind the bush like some of you warned me off and it doesn't smell that bad....
For some parts of the time I feel like I'm in Taiping, for other parts India finds a way to bite me in ass and warn me not to forget, this is where it all began.. My below basic Hindi is improving and what's worse, I suddenly like it when I'm served for a change...
