the first...

the first fight
the first fart between the both of you
the first kiss
the first moment of awkwardness
the first moment of silence
the first time your hands touch
the first time you accidentally touch at all
the first disapproval
the first sign of separation
the first naughty thoughts
the first quicksand moment
the first edgy conversation
the first scene of skin
the first blush
the first date
the first sexy proposal
the first embarrassing moment
the first announcement
the first sign he/she is trying
the first sign he/she is pretending
the first attempt
the first sweat between the two of you
the first uncomfortable moment
the first meetings of the opposites
the first sign of childishness
the first indiscretion for either one
the first sorry
the first 'i love you'
the first 'ohh i wanna tap that *ss'
the first 'you hang up first'
the first 'your needs more important than mine izzit?'
the first 'ARE YOU INSANE!!!'
the first 'wanna fool around'
the first time he opened the doors for her
the first walk on the beach/park/whatever
the first 'darling, how do you know?'
the first 'i read it somewhere'
the first 'i gotta get out of here...'
the first AUCHHH...
the first chicken soup moment
the first wanna go together
the first 'i am not used to this'
the first 'lets do something crazy!'
the first he bang/she bang story
the first 'about my ex.....'
the first 'you are way outta line there....'
the first motherly/fatherly touch
the first flower
the first 'you jump, i jump' movie
the first Cornetto together
the first Cornetto apart...

and it goes on and on until the first comes no more

Alcoholics Anonymous

at first glance, we'll be thinking;
'A Guinness man...'

then after a second look;
'wow... he's got a empty beer mug infront of him and now he's going for Guinness'



after a third glance;
'what is he doing mixing Guiness with a glass of milk for?'

then after a fourth and final analysis;
'now i get it....what's white like milk and goes well with Guinness, sold at seafood restaurants?'

and for those who were not there and do not know the good looking dude in the picture, they'd think;
'bloody indian, only know how to drink!!!'

center stage

will the stares stop? will they accept us for who we are? won't they just let us be?

i've often considered myself a controversial person. i know the things i do often offend people and the things i say cannot the accepted by the masses. it takes a special mind to understand where i am coming from and why i say or do the things i do....

but staring at me (at us) in public, is down right rude of the community. and i thought Malaysia has surpassed this sort of things?

Caffeine never felt this good....

what's been up, y'all...

i've been a bad blogger these days...i need to talk to my bloggie more often.

so lets see whats been up in my world of constant bickering. work is kinda getting edgy, the expectation and demands over me have pilled the pressure on. to be honest i was warned that this is how they run things. the don't take kindly to slackers and they live by the motto 'It's all about results'. so i came prepared for the ass whooping i'm getting on a daily basis. the poeple at work have been really awesome. though sometimes they're just to busy themselves to be nurturing me under their wings, i can live with that, i guess...

what else,

something major in this asshole's live; he found someone. yes yes...i've started dating again. see the story of how we met is really interesting. sounds more like a movie or sorta. so apparently she and i had joined my last company at the same time. we were in our induction together but we didn't notice each other. then we had trainings together (two to be exact) but still we had not noticed each other. then towards the end of my stay we were in the same project together and only now we had come to know who we were but still only on a name sake basis. she was in the test team and he was in the process team. eventually the time had come for me to leave the company and move on. (being typically me) i sent out my farewell email. she liked what i had written and she replied, also adding me on her IM.

so after leaving the job and she and i quite constantly kept in-touch via IM, and emails blah blah blah...eventually, i sorta started to like her, the way she sounded, she's the smart type. (so being typically me, again) i asked her out and she said yes. we're on our 5th date and so far is going great. we've learnt we have so much in common and the fact how we missed each other on 3 different occasions and only now realizing it (which is what i said sounds like the movie part). she likes the oldies just like him...interesting. well don't wanna jinx it by saying too much. keep you updated from time to time. though, being in the courtship stage is really really fun, heahahae....

lately i've been talking to Mohan more and more. the dude is a real inspiration to me. he's a dude who is just to good to be real, he is untouched and when he starts telling me about his experiences first hand, when he is experiencing it for the first time, he sounds so pure and i'm amazed at how much he has learned and grown over the last 2 years since i known him. he just recently broke up (first love thing) and i am seeing things of my past thru his pains, which sorta helps me relate to what he is going thru and helps me over come my past and helping him see the way to enlightenment as i did. i only wish is that he doesn't take as long as i did. i grow through our conversations...i guess he is sorta becoming my Navein. which reminds me about another dude who has been such an influence and is a no action lately, dude, come home!!!

brings me back to the topic of friends; Ricardo and Shenn are getting married at the end of the month. WOW!!! it's just started to sink in i guess. i have always long wondered how is it that i could once see myself there and now not...maybe time will tell. but i am amazed at the courage of people who decide to tie the knot. which reminds me Eleanor is getting married too. i'm going broke giving people Ang Pau's this year. i've already attended 8 weddings and i got 2 more to go!!! aiyoooo. which reminds me, hoi Ric you owe me a 100 for manesh's ang pau. maybe next time i'll give poeple like a dried leaf or something instead of money...TI pay me my salary quickly laaaaa!!! (got dates to go to)

sharing is caring...

she shared gossip with me!!! thats a whole new stage ain't it...

but honestly i've never heard that analogy before; if a woman shares gossip with you, then you're someone close. generally i've always thought women love to gossip, heahehaeha...

this is for making fun of....

my Barney and Friends song...

from....

where i sit....

i just hate it....

i finally had the courage to say what i wanted to say for the past 4 months now. i should be liberated, i should be ecstatic, i should be a lot of things but the one thing i shouldn't is exactly how i feel.

i did the right thing today but i feel horrible about it. the pain is so consuming that i've lost feeling of it. i hate it that i've done the right thing!

so i finally...

...left this:



for what?

i feel so used. it's hard (actually quite simple) to explain. i just feel so cheap and worthless. i feel i should 'lower my expectation' like a whole chapter lower it, lower it...i'm trough with the selfless acts. it's all me from now on. goodbye life, i'm off to live one!

i love the solitariness

isn't it great when you're left all alone when you're doing your job. just me and my technicians doing what we do best. i love this...

it's when we have a bunch of idiotic morons a.k.a. MANAGERS show up and start giving me a bunch of ideas they think is a great epiphany, dumb bozos, couldn't tell the difference from their foot and their shoes. every single of them think they're the Einstein of Manufacturing.

well as long as i ignore them, i'm in peace, MUAHAHAHAHA.....

The order of pheonix???

i don't get the Harry Porter craze, can somebody explain?

Apek: eh wanna watch Harry Porter ahh?
Me: well i guess if you dragged my arse for Charlotte's Web, i think i can do Harry Porter

but i'll be honest, i've not been following the Harry Porter thing. i went for the first one and slept in the cinema, my gf (then) had to elbow me cause i was snoring. Navein and Nirpal dragged me for 3rd one, can't remember which one is that but it's the one with the flying gryphon.

but here's the best part of all the craze of harry porter. the actually made a porn movie called Harry's Porters, HAHAHAHAH.....but honestly i don't fancy the whole movie, though someone told me there's a hot chick in this one, hmmm...

why don't you take me to

Crazy Town, which is where i live!!!

so this morning on my way to work, i saw a guy in his boxers and nothing else BUT his boxers standing by the shoulder of the road. now if you thought that weird. 2 nights ago i saw a woman adjusting her boobs in the park. she practically took her boobs out, adjusted her bra and put them back in. she was stacked so i'm not complaining...

but i seriously think my neighborhood has had it...

i need a date

for a wedding on the 1st Sept, any takers?

Invest in a woman

It's a great fortune to invest your time in a woman, especially a good woman. If you are an experienced man, you would certainly agree with me. Women are peculiar species. If you have succeeded in conquering her heart, she will ceaselessly sacrifice for you till the end of your life. Just think over, you just spend a little of your time to go out for dinner with her, watch a movie or give her a simple gift, or say a few words to touch her heart or you promise her that you will bring happiness till the end of her life, or take time to help her kill some cockroaches in the kitchen, or sometimes spend some efforts helping her to carry some heavy stuff, or to open the car door for her. Continue to do all the above things and care for her well-being for 2 to 3 years to come....

What do you get in return? You will be amazed to find that you have a woman whom would continue to care for your well-being for the rest of your life. She will wait for you at the door steps with a naïve and sweet smile each time when you meet her (of course, you don't get the sweet smile when you are arguing with her), nevertheless, she would still prepare a warm dinner for you after the heated argument has faded away. The greatest of all things she has done for her life, is to give birth to your child (of course, the unbearable pain need not be mentioned here). She would continue to care and feed the child that carry your surname for many years to come no matter how naughty your child would be.

On top of that, she also does the thing you that hated the most, i.e. doing housework, washing your clothes, sleep your child and tossing alone in the bedroom waiting for you at night for your return. For some of you, you would rather spend some time drinking with your friends at the bar and telling her that you have important assignments in the office, letting her to wait for your return in the living room till the wee hours of the morning .

When you are down, she will be the first to encourage you. When you are happy, she would be the first to feel for your happiness before you open your mouth to tell her by looking at your face. When you achieve some good results at work or assignments, she feels the happiness with all her heart and pray to God to protect and bless you with more successes in the future. Despite all the above, you repay her by asking her to talk less and tell her not to bother your work. You ask her to sleep when she wanted to spend some precious time with you sharing with some simple happenings of the day. Sometimes, you are too proud to take her out when you are out with your friends. Can you feel that the suffering that she has to endure for the next 30 years of her life staying with someone like you?

And for men, for the next 30 years, what do you do to repay her gratitude; you are only capable to continue to do what you know...to work. Please continue to appreciate the woman of your life..If you noticed that if there any women whom start to show some sacrifices to you, your door to the days of happiness has opened before you ..Please grab the opportunity to share the happiness with her and help her to be the man of her dreams..

i recieved this in an email today, anyone care to rebate this?

movie mania...

oh i finally watched all the blockbusters...

Shrek 3, watched
Pirates of the Caribbean 3, watched

and a shocker,

Surf's Up, watched

which brings me to the fact the dude who plays the voice of the lead character in Surf's Up is Shia Labeouf. the dude plays the lead in Disturbia and Transformers. now how many summer movies did this guy make?

on a totally different note, is it just me or is Hilary Swank hot. i mean you don't see much of her on the covers of magazines like Angelina Jolie or Beyonce. okay, it's just me then. i think Hilary Swank is hot.

oh yeah, and another one of the Kensettians is getting married. oh man, i'm definitely getting old. and i was reminded to get a date for Ric's wedding. few things to scratch out this time around; no.1 don't be the only indian in a chinese wedding. no.2 if i am, then bring a date and no.3 don't wear a black suit.

French Grand Prix...

the last one at Magny-Cour???

well it was well worth watching Ferrari charge back to the front (in your face McLaren). it was also amazing to see Michael Schumacher at the pits, now the official word is he is the teams race advisor, sort of like a mentor to the drivers and the race directors but the unofficial word is that he is secretly testing the car and heavily involved in the car set-up for raceday. i dunno, could be true (boy i wish he is back into the corkpit of a Ferrari)

but i'll be honest, since last year i've had a new admiration for Fernando Alonso. he is definitely the new 'no guts, no glory' drive of Formula One. every season there's bound to be one and for a very long time, we finally have one who is making it stick.

back to the title, if this is the last Magny-Cour race, definitely will miss it. Michael Schumacher won his championship there it 2002 beating non other than the man who took over his seat in Ferrari, Kimi Raikonen.

while i waited for lights to turn green

After watching Transformers, i drove back and at a traffic stop, i turned and noticed my vacant co-driver seat; i loved her, and so did she. (i'd like to think) circumstances tore us apart. now she is married and i still am stuck in ruck.

that was how i've always ended the conversation as to why i'm still single or explain my tattoos. to be honest it's always questionable do i still love her. to some extend i still miss her very much. i miss the time she held my arms and leans over my shoulders. i still remember when i took her to watch 'Lord of The Rings 3'. she was in a very mushy mood i guess. she made me feel like 'the worlds greatest catch' guy that night. holding on to my arms, telling me how she'd loved me from day 1 and will never stop, starring into my eyes and asking me if i loved her. i miss that. i miss squeezing into a single bed and holding onto her. planting my nose into her hair and my fingers into her bellybutton. i miss her touch, i miss her skin, i miss a lot of things about her. it's been 3 years now and i still ask myself if i still love her. knowing she has moved on with someone else and happily married, probably planning a family, can i still stand here and justify that i can still love her?

here it is; i guess i will always love her. she was my first love and will forever remain special in my heart. asnwering that question, i ask another; how do i move on from here?

i've made peace with the fact she will never come back to me. it was never mine in the first place. i've moved on and focused my life on things that are more material. getting a degree, getting a career. starting a life i'm starting to enjoy. but the continuous search for a replacements seems to be there. i don't want a replacement for her. thats not possible. i'd like to find someone new, someone whom i'd love and cherish for all the wrong or good reasons but be it for the reasons she makes and not ones that i justify with what i've lost.

the void left in me by her will never be filled, the pain and joy she left behind will never fade. unlike the world (which is very very small) the heart is a vast space just waiting to fill. we overcome sorrows by the thought that someday there will be joy and in time we feel the pain lesser and lesser. we find new people in our lives, we make new friends, new enemies. we set new goals, we even buy new toys to keep us busy. but the gapping void will never close, 60 years down the road, when you're senile, you will...i will ask myself the question, how would have my life been if i would have married her? and thats when it matters most. cause at that very moment, if can look back and say i'd trade everything just to relive the life i've chosen and lived until today, then i can cleary say, my purpose was well served. but today the gloomy thoughts of what if when that day comes and i say instead; 'i'd give it all up just to look at her brown pearly eyes just one more time'

...what then?

my topsy turvy battles to push the black hole i've suffered into recession has lead me to many new pages of turmoil, laughter, hate and anger, tummy tighteners and wonderful joys of bodily union. and sometimes i sit back and i tell myself, i like this and i want this for the rest of my life. i want this 'God's creation to hold my tv remote' to be by my side, everytime my eyes closes and everytime it opens. but i dunno if this is how she feels and honestly i doubt if it even resembles the slightest similarities. i've often wondered how valuable i am to the people i'm surrounded by? am i just an expandable asset, who once peaked it's depreciation value is not worth having around? or am i truly irreplaceable? i've often drawn the conclusion i'm just a very good page turner thats not worth a second read. as pathetic as that sounds i've not given up the fight for all the good things. i mean, who needs companionship when you have Butterscotch?

i've grown very affectionate to my family and my dogs over the last 2 years. i've seen a side of me thats really ugly and one that should never come out of the closet ever. i've seen the length of measure in me grow to things i'd hardly thought i'd do again for another woman. woman are indeed special and they do wonders to a man and i quote my hero, Col;

"Women! What can you say? Who made 'em? God must have been a fuckin' genius. The hair... They say the hair is everything, you know. Have you ever buried your nose in a mountain of curls... just wanted to go to sleep forever? Or lips... and when they touched, yours were like... that first swallow of wine... after you just crossed the desert. Tits. Hoo-ah! Big ones, little ones, nipples staring right out at ya, like secret searchlights. Mmm. Legs. I don't care if they're Greek columns... or secondhand Steinways. What's between 'em... passport to heaven. I need a drink. Yes, Mr Sims, there's only two syllables in this whole wide world worth hearing: pussy. Hah! Are you listenin' to me, son? I'm givin' ya pearls here."

i just love that movie, for one reason; it tells you life is always worth living, no matter what. just too bad, in reality i'm at the part where i yell out....

"I'm in the dark hereee....!!! you understand? I'm in the dark!!!"

okay i think after that line, there's no point in writing anymore. but i do somewhat remember her saying this to me when we had an argument once, 'stop living in movie lines...this is the real world!'

A Speech in Hyderabhad

Why is the media here so negative? Why are we in India so embarrassed to recognize our own strengths, our achievements? We are such a great nation. We have so many amazing success stories but we refuse to acknowledge them. Why? We are the first in milk production. We are number one in Remote sensing satellites. We are the second largest producer of wheat. We are the second largest producer of rice. Look at Dr.Sudarshan; he has transferred the tribal village into a self-sustaining, self-driving unit. There are millions of such achievements but our media is only obsessed in the bad news and failures and disasters.

I was in Tel Aviv once and I was reading the Israeli newspaper. It was the day after a lot of attacks and bombardments and deaths had taken place. The Hamas had struck. But the front page of the newspaper had the picture of a Jewish gentleman who in five years had transformed his desert into an orchid and a granary. It was this inspiring picture that everyone woke up to. The gory details of killings, bombardments, deaths, were inside in the newspaper, buried among other news.

In India we only read about death, sickness, terrorism, crime. Why are we so NEGATIVE? Another question: Why are we, as a nation so obsessed with foreign things? We want foreign T. Vs, we want foreign shirts. We want foreign technology. Why this obsession with everything imported. Do we not realize that self-respect comes with self-reliance? I was in Hyderabad giving this lecture, when a 14 year old girl asked me for my autograph. I asked her what her goal in life is. She replied: I want to live in a developed India. For her, you and I will have to build this developed India. You must proclaim. India is not an under-developed nation; it is a highly developed nation. Do you have 10 minutes? Allow me to come back with a vengeance. Got 10 minutes for your country? If yes, then read; otherwise, choice is yours.\

YOU say that our government is inefficient.
YOU say that our laws are too old.
YOU say that the municipality does not pick up the garbage.
YOU say that the phones don't work, the railways are a joke, the airline is the worst in the world, mails never reach their destination.
YOU say that our country has been fed to the dogs and is the absolute pits.
YOU say, say and say. What do YOU do about it?

Take a person on his way to Singapore. Give him a name - YOURS. Give him a face - YOURS. YOU walk out of the airport and you are at your International best. In Singapore you don't throw cigarette butts on the roads or eat in the stores. YOU are as proud of their Underground links as they are. You pay $5 (approx. Rs. 60) to drive through Orchard Road (equivalent of Mahim Causeway or Pedder Road) between 5 PM and 8 PM. YOU come back to the parking lot to punch your parking ticket if you have over stayed in a restaurant or a shopping mall irrespective of your status identity... In Singapore you don't say anything, DO YOU? YOU wouldn't dare to eat in public during Ramadan, in Dubai. YOU would not dare to go out without your head covered in Jeddah. YOU would not dare to buy an employee of the telephone exchange in London at 10 pounds (Rs.650) a month to, 'see to it that my STD and ISD calls are billed to someone else.’ YOU would not dare to speed beyond 55 mph (88 km/h) in Washington and then tell the traffic cop, 'Jaanta hai main kaun hoon (Do you know who I am?). I am so and so's son. Take your two bucks and get lost.' YOU wouldn't chuck an empty coconut shell anywhere other than the garbage pail on the beaches in Australia and New Zealand. Why don't YOU spit Paan on the streets of Tokyo? Why don't YOU use examination jockeys or buy fake certificates in Boston??? We are still talking of the same YOU. YOU who can respect and conform to a foreign system in other countries but cannot in your own. You who will throw papers and cigarettes on the road the moment you touch Indian ground. If you can be an involved and appreciative citizen in an alien country, why cannot you be the same here in India?

Once in an interview, the famous Ex-municipal commissioner of Bombay, Mr.Tinaikar, had a point to make. 'Rich people's dogs are walked on the streets to leave their affluent droppings all over the place,' he said. 'And then the same people turn around to criticize and blame the authorities for inefficiency and dirty pavements. What do they expect the officers to do? Go down with a broom every time their dog feels the pressure in his bowels? In America every dog owner has to clean up after his pet has done the job. Same in Japan. Will the Indian citizen do that here?' He's right. We go to the polls to choose a government and after that forfeit all responsibility. We sit back wanting to be pampered and expect the government to do everything for us whilst our contribution is totally negative. We expect the government to clean up but we are not going to stop chucking garbage all over the place nor are we going to stop to pick up a stray piece of paper and throw it in the bin. We expect the railways to provide clean bathrooms but we are not going to learn the proper use of bathrooms. We want Indian Airlines and Air India to provide the best of food and toiletries but we are not going to stop pilfering at the least opportunity. This applies even to the staffs who are known not to pass on the service to the public. When it comes to burning social issues like those related to women, dowry, girl child! And others, we make loud drawing room protestations and continue to do the reverse at home. Our excuse? 'It's the whole system which has to change, how will it matter if I alone forego my sons' rights to a dowry.' So who's going to change the system? What does a system consist of? Very conveniently for us it consists of our neighbors, other households, other cities, other communities and the government. But definitely not me and YOU. When it comes to us actually making a positive contribution to the system we lock ourselves along with our families into a safe cocoon and look into the distance at countries far away and wait for a Mr. Clean to come along & work miracles for us with a majestic sweep of his hand or we leave the country and run away. Like lazy cowards hounded by our fears we run to America to bask in their glory and praise their system. When New York becomes insecure we run to England. When England experiences unemployment, we take the next flight out to the Gulf. When the Gulf is war struck, we demand to be rescued and brought home by the Indian government. Everybody is out to abuse and rape the country. Nobody thinks of feeding the system. Our conscience is mortgaged to money.

Dear Indians, The article is highly thought inductive, calls for a great deal of introspection and pricks one's conscience too.... I am echoing J.F. Kennedy’s words to his fellow Americans to relate to Indians.....

'ASK WHAT WE CAN DO FOR INDIA AND DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE TO MAKE INDIA WHAT AMERICA AND OTHER WESTERN COUNTRIES ARE TODAY'

Lets do what India needs from us. Forward this mail to each Indian for a change instead of sending Jokes or junk mails.

Thank you,
Dr. Abdul Kalaam

I’m not of the same nation, but stand facing the same accusations. maybe it is time to stand and fight for what we deserve here in our own country than run like a coward else where and brag about how great that nation is, but the question will always remain; Is it worth it?

go fucking watch....

TRANSFORMERS

everybody...take the bunching underwear out of your butts and go freaking watch it. if you've never watched it as a kid, you'll still love it, if you loved watching it growing up, then you'll freaking fall in love with it, again!!!

okay okay...probably i'm over reacting cause i just loved it when Optimus Prime said;

' Autobots, roll out...'

and they got the actual voice (well not really actual but sounds like it) from the cartoon. and they took lines from Transformers The Movie, when Megatron and Prime battles it out;

Megatron: [surprised] Prime.
Optimus Prime: One shall stand, one shall fall.
though i doubt this was in (but it was in Transformers The Move)...
Megatron: Why throw away your life so recklessly?
Optimus Prime: That's a question you should ask YOURSELF, Megatron


oh i'm in love, if it wasn't for my freaking shoulder, i'd go watch it again and again....